Not only is it hard to believe another year has come and
gone, the first month of 2016 is also coming to an end. Although I was silent
in 2015, I was thinking about writing, but I just never seemed to get to it on
my long “to do” list. Here I am getting
ready to watch the last sunset (what evidence there is of the sun) in January
2016 and I still haven’t posted.
Thomas Rhett sings “the day you stop lookin’ back you’re gonna
find that the future beats the hell outta the past.” I have to agree spending
too much time looking in the rearview mirror prevents me from moving forward
toward the journey that lies ahead.
I can’t complain, 2015 was a pretty good year and although
things have not turned out quite the way I had planned in 2016 I have hope for
brighter tomorrows.
Highlights of 2015
Goodbye, Ed is Dead
I am happy to report I officially said goodbye to Ed in
2015 (my long-term struggle with eating disorders). Although my mêlées with him were a distant
memory because they had ended many years before, he still had a hold of a small
piece of me. Honestly, as I think back,
I realize I was afraid of him. I did not
trust myself against the powers of his wrath that had taken over so many years
of my life. I never would have admitted
it then, but deep down inside I was terrified that I would not be able to stand
up to the pressures on my own. I conquered those fears in 2015. All of the
lingering pieces of my eating disorder were obliterated in February when I let
go of my crutch and had my final therapy session. Since then I have held my
ground—Ed has not broken down the new strong, healthy, happy woman I have
become.
The Opportunity of
a Lifetime
In 2015, I had the most wonderful career opportunity. For
the first six months in 2015, I served as the interim vice chancellor for the
San Diego Community College District.
During that time (almost a year total), I completely fell in love with
my career. I was over-the-moon and spent many long hours
at the office making sure everything was perfect for the permanent vice
chancellor. I knew it wouldn’t last
forever and I would be passing the baton because district policy did not allow
me to apply for the permanent position.
I’ll admit I was a little sad when the day came for me to return to my
dean position, but I didn’t have any regrets.
Serving as interim VC, was such a great opportunity and I grew so much
professionally. I will always cherish
the experience.
The Shift
In July when I went back to my dean
position it was a little awkward and challenging. I was happy to be able to
regain balance, crossfit, painting, going to concerts, learning to play the banjo, running,
volunteering, and spending time with family and friends. However, getting my life back didn’t come as
naturally as I thought it would. It was hard for me to let go of the long
working hours and the intrinsic rewards I received. Slowly, I am still finding my way back to
balance and my way back to me. As I sit
here and write I realize there are pieces of my previous life that have been
lost forever. While it makes me sad, I
cannot dwell on all that has vanished. I truly believe everything in life
happens for a reason. I look forward to
filling that hole with something better in 2016.
The Set-Back
During the brief period of my great curriculum love
affair, I lost my balance and completely neglected my physical wellbeing. I did not go to crossfit as often as I should
have and wasn’t really running as much as I had in the past. I set a PR during the Surf City marathon in
February. All hopes of continuing that
streak died in May during the OC marathon when I encountered some physical
challenges I wasn’t quite expecting. I
started the race with the pace group. I
struggled, but I kept up with them until mile 11. Mentally, and maybe physically, I couldn’t
keep up. My heart wasn’t in it to press
on with them. It was probably for the
best, during mile 22 I felt weird chest pains.
Of course I didn’t want to tell anyone because I knew I wouldn’t be
allowed to continue. I just took it one step at a time. When I finished the race I had tears
streaming down my face. They were tears
of joy and relief that I actually finished the race.
In October, I had an opportunity to redeem myself when I
ran the Long Beach marathon, but I knew that was not going to happen because I
had three strikes against me: 1) a nagging knee injury; 2) record breaking heat
and humidity (99 degrees by the time I finished the race; and 3) a rotator cuff
injury. I started the race running at my
happy pace, but then at mile 6 made the decision to take it easy. It turned out
to be one of my slowest races, but I had an opportunity to meet some great
people and have fun.
I am not dwelling on the bumps in 2015. I am optimistic for what lies ahead in
2016. I am going the distance in 2016…I have already
signed up for four marathons and my first ultra-marathon trail run.
Injury and Pain
Sadly, my knee and rotator cuff injuries have followed me
into 2016. It has been a long process,
but slowly I am working on recovery.
Baby steps! Fortunately, I have
the best physical therapy team (Pluta Movement Therapeutics) and personal
trainer (Paul Flores) to help me through this process. Every time I get depressed and want to give
up, they help me realize my potential and encourage and inspire me to keep
working. I won’t lie it’s been a
struggle and rough road. There’s so much
I miss. Although I rarely RX’d workouts before my injuries, I miss being able
to do the movements. I miss climbing
ropes. I miss being able to challenge myself to achieve my personal best
records. I miss wearing my sexy heals.
Embracing Health
Although I am being a ‘whining Wendy’ and complaining about
my minor ailments, I am truly grateful for my health and my physical
strength. I know there are so many more
people who are facing greater challenges and who have lost so much more in
comparison.
During the last few months of 2015 I followed the sad
heartbreaking story of one of my favorite singers Joey Feek ( http://thislifeilive.com/ ). I cry my eyes out when I read about her
struggle with cancer and her final days in hospice. No one really knows when their last day will
be on this Earth, but most of us have the hope and distorted reality that our
time is endless. Everyday life moments
that I certainly take for granted are major accomplishments and a reason for
celebration for Joey and so many others like her.
As I watched Joey, family members, and friends struggle
with cancer and other serious health issues I learned the most important lesson
of all: be grateful for what I have and never take life for granted.
I encourage you to listen to Tim Johnsons’ story and his
beautiful song “One More.” but make sure you have a lot of tissues. Every time
I listen to him tell his story and sing his song I break down in tears. He reminds me how precious life is and how so
many people in this world are fighting for so much.
Family and Friends
Although I didn’t go out as much in 2015, I held onto
close friendships, made new friends, and spent time with my family when I was able.
I can’t possibly write about all of the memories, I’ll do a better job in
2016. We celebrated my niece’s wedding
in August. It was hard for me to see
Kayla so grown up. Needless to say I
cried a lot throughout the wedding.
The beagles continued to give me unconditional love
combined with their usual naughtiness. Hannah and McKenna turned a $2.00 bottle
of canola oil into a $1,700 vet bill.
McKenna ended up with aspiration pneumonia. In fact, she ended up with pneumonia twice
and Hannah got it once. While I know my
bank account would be healthier, my house would be cleaner, my things would
always be in the same place and same condition if I didn’t have the hounds, I
wouldn’t trade it for anything. Their love outweighs all of the
challenges.
I am extremely grateful for friendships
old and new. Chris, Doug, Emily, the
beagles, and I continued our 5k traditions.
Emily got faster, and I got slower.
Charliebear loved our walks, but at 14 he wasn’t quite as spry as he had
been in the past. Me being the
overprotective beagle mom, made him ride in his stroller for part the 5ks. Jen and I walked when we were able, ran,
walked, crawled the Disneyland ½ marathon, and even had a girls get away
weekend without a race. We pampered
ourselves with massages at the California Grand Hotel and spent a day at
Disneyland. Angela and I got in a lot of training miles and I crashed Eve and Cheryl's 3-Day training walks with their team "Putting our Breast Foot Forward." I had so much fun with them, I've signed up to join them in 2016. I didn't get to travel with Madlyn and Robin, but our endless conversations continued to be a highlight of each and everyday. I've missed quite a few of their trips, my hope is to see them this year.
I could go on, but if I don’t stop writing and post this
soon it will be 2017. Goodbye 2015 it is time for one more trip around
the sun.
