The journey of a single girl is a crooked path with many twist and turns over mountains, hills and valleys. As I sit here now on the heels of another broken or misguided relationship I think back to the days when I was 37. I don't recall the specific date or what precipitated it, but I decided then and there having children of my own was not in my stars. Although I love children and had always hoped I would be a mother some day, I have to say it wasn't a painfully sad revelation. On the contrary it was freeing and liberating. It was like taking my purple hammer to my ticking fertility clock [those who know me well know whenever I can't fix something I take great pleasure demolishing it with my purple hammer]. Since that moment there have been no regrets and I have been at peace with my decision. I'm happy when I see new mothers with their babies, watching my family and friend's children grow, and celebrating life.
Now, I can't help but think it is time to find that same place of peace and serenity with love. Every girl dreams of finding that special person who will make them smile, support them and love them unconditionally no matter what happens. Reality, the love I speak of is rare. So very few people actually find it. Some who actually do cherish it and hold on tight, many others don't realize how precious it is so they let it slip through their hands. Although it may seem like it, my epiphany to let go go of the dream of love isn't out of sadness. It's allowing me to be free! Free from of the burdens of constantly wondering where it is and when I am going to find it, my fears of letting it slip through my hands and my naive expectations of the romantic relationships I try to establish. Wow, putting that in writing is so empowering and peaceful.
Fortunately, love does not have a time table like my fertility clock. I may find it later in my journey as I stumble on another path. For now it opens the doors for so many other opportunities!
I get asked about why I never decided to become a father. For me it was a selfish decision. I wanted to go as far as I could in music without any distractions. When that journey came to an end I still had no desire to be a dad.At 47, I may be way to late in the game to even consider it. I raised 2 step kids and I did well. I love my nieces dearly and still do not regret my decisions. If you ever do decide to have kids, they will be blessed with having a great mom as a role model.....
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