Silver Lining

I am happy to report I have officially closed the tear stained door with Mr. Greek Chicken.  There was another little stab in the heart after the dreaded run-in with him, his family and the slinky new blond.  Somehow he felt it would make me feel better if I knew she was a flame from the past he just could no longer deny his bond with. Of course, that sent me into what Kasey Musgrave would call the “wrong side of rock bottom.”  I went into a downward spiral trying to put the broken pieces of the puzzle together. Although the subtle clues started to make sense, I couldn’t help but wonder where was I when this bond was being rekindled?  I delved into negative self-talk and self-doubt.  I don’t know why I was surprised, it’s not the first time this sort of thing has happened and certainly won’t be the last.  After all I seem to have this magical gift of sending men running off into the arms of other women.  It’s almost comical; now that a little time has passed I can actually laugh about, wish them well and move forward. 

I have to say one of the challenges of letting go of Ed is facing heartaches, disappointments, and obstacles head on.  In the past I could just get lost in an episode of self-destruction and emotional release. Now, I don’t have that form of self-medication and I can’t drink to forget because I’ve never had alcohol.  I have no choice but plough through the pain and heal naturally.  In the end it’s better than a temporary band-aid because tears flush out the toxicity and the wounds truly heal.   

Fortunately, like Kasey sings in her song  (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rv9spwIMiqM ) there’s a silver lining after a cloudy day.  If you’re willing to take on the bees, you will find the honey.  If you are willing to get a little dirty you will find a four-leaf clover, if you go to the dance you will find a shoulder to lean on.  I still haven’t figured out the purpose of Mr. GC entering my life, surely it can't be to add another broken brick on the wall of the chronicles of my jaded heart, as I have discovered my world is full of life without him.  So many new doors have opened. 

I’ve finally started writing more in my blog and sharing my story. If not just for entertainment, but to help others who have ever despised the face and body they saw in the mirror or who have ever felt their self worth or success was being measured by the number on the scale or the size of their jeans.  I am finally speaking out for those who have turned down food or gone to extreme measures to “get rid” of it in fear of gaining weight.   I am speaking out for anyone who has an eating disorder, anyone who has loved someone with an eating disorder (ED), or any other obstacle in this crazy world we call life.  I’ve embarked on a whole new journey of self-discovery.  I am cultivating friendships, new and old, exploring the beautiful city I am so blessed to live in.  For that I am grateful.