I've Got a Crush on YOU!

I may have already said this, but one of the things I love the most about blogging is it’s a place where I can just be me.  I can freely share the daily life of a quirky single professional gal from San Diego.  A girl like most single women I know who is just simply trying to make a difference and find her place in the world.  

I know there’s a sense of risk personally and professionally for me putting my life out there in the open cyberworld.  We’ve all read the articles warning people about posting too much personal information on their blogs or their Facebook.  In fact, that’s one of the reason’s I withheld from writing and posting my story for so long.  I am happy I finally let go of worry and mustered up the courage to write.  Fear is debilitating, if given enough power it hinders our ability to progress and move forward.  Dorothy Thompson explained it best when she wrote “Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.”

With that said, I have decided since I am choosing to live.  Since I’ve been putting everything else out there—I have been so candid with my feelings, life, and struggles of my past, I may as well shout it out and tell the world this little secret too…. 

I have a crush! (Smiles and a giggling schoolgirl laugh).  OMG, I can’t believe I actually wrote that.  (Blushing just a little, another smirk and grin). 

Some of you are going to have to dig way back into your memory, others who may be a little younger, just try to imagine what I am describing in my journey into an 80s flashback. Girls (okay guys too), do you remember sitting in your room listening your Donny Osmond album “Puppy Love” over and over again?  Or The Jets singing out “How did you know 'cause I never told.  You found out, I've got a crush on you. No more charades, my hearts been displayed.  You found out, I've got a crush on you?” 

I know I’m 41, but I am kind of feeling like that young simple trusting, naïve teenager. I haven’t had a crush like this one in years.  Can a 41 year-old woman have a schoolgirl crush? What do you do with that?  It’s not like I can write his name all over my work notepad. Then again posting it online for the whole universe to read is probably a little more extreme than squiggly notes and hearts on my trapper keeper or peechee folder. 

It’s really difficult to completely explain and articulate what I am feeling, but I will give it my best attempt.  Having a crush is not quite like the ecstatic banter between the Handsome Man from Boulder and me.  That had some potential of going someplace (because the interest was mutual) had he not lived in a different city.   My crush is more like being the little band girl secretly eyeing the captain of the football team when I should have been playing “The Star Spangled Banner” or “Fiesta del Torro.”  I knew he was completely out of my league (okay universe) and I was most certainly not on his radar, but I couldn’t keep my eyes off his glistening eyes and boyish smile. Thinking of my crush also reminds me of the girl who was not only listening to Donny Osmond sing “Soldier of Love” or “The Other Side of the Mountain,” but the girl who felt that heart racing rush looking at his posters or the picture I stood in line for hours at a local bookstore to get. (Oh wait, I think I was 33 at the time.)   He also reminds me of the crushes I had on Tom Hanks when he played as Rick Gassco in “The Bachelor Party,” Charlie Sheen in “The Wraith,” John Cusak in any movie, and of course the Duke Boys. Oh and I can’t forget my instant infatuation and admiration the first time I saw Kevin Wong play beach volleyball (once again in my 30s). Ladies, there was a reason that man was named one of People Magazine’s “Most Beautiful People.” 

Oops, I have digressed. Oh such sweet memories….

The initial attraction to my present day crush was of course his bright smile, beautiful curls and overall demeanor.  From my limited observations I’ve noticed aside from being extremely handsome, my crush is musically gifted, artistic, brilliant, giving, caring, some what of a renaissance man.  A breath of fresh air.  The type of man when you think about him you can’t help but see the sun shine a little brighter in the cool blue sky.  What is especially refreshing is thinking about him makes me happy to be me; it inspires me to want to run out in the world and be a better person. Although a little offkey I automatically start singing Cowboy Mouth lyrics “Scream and shout like you were five. Are you glad to be alive?"  He is certainly the kind of crush that raises the bar of expectations for any man I may ever date.

I have to admit I’d be a little embarrassed if he came across this blog. I am sure he would know immediately I was talking about him, actually I don’t think he would even have to read this blog to know I have a little adoration for him.  I don’t think it would be totally awkward. I think after he stopped blushing, he would be flattered. He is the type of man who would find peace knowing he had that kind of impact.  I think he would be touched just knowing I secretly pray for him each night. Not in the sense that I am asking God or the universe to put a magical spell on him. It’s less selfish, more of positive vibe asking God to watch out for him, keep him safe, and provide him with the love and happiness he deserves.

For me, I find bliss being an acquaintance and perhaps some day a friend. I am also enjoying the natural intoxication that comes from within from a schoolgirl crush.The only difference now is hours listening to "Puppy Love" on vinyl has been replaced with listening to the MP3s I found online of the relaxing and beautiful sounds of skill and grace pouring from the fingertips of my crush to the piano keys.  

References (oh wow, the nerd in me is really coming out)

The Jets Crush on You

Donny Osmond Puppy Love

Donny Osmond Soldier of Love

Donny Osmond The Other Side of the Mountain

Cowboy Mouth Glad to Be Alive