Who Am I

What are you?  If you don't mind me asking, what is your nationality?  Hablo Espanol?  I wasn't faced with these questions until I was fourteen and my parents moved me from a small homogeneous town in Missouri to a very diverse city—San Diego, California.  As a young child growing up I was taught to understand the differences between social class, but I had minimal exposure to other races and ethnicities.   Looking back now I can see how I took my race for granted as I was never forced to question my background. I learned my identity from my friends, family, and community who looked at me as Shelly, the dark brown eyed working poor Caucasian girl who was fortunate enough to tan easily in the summer.  As a child in Missouri I was different from my friends because my parents did not have a lot of money, my dad worked really hard long hours, and we did not have a lot of the amenities and luxuries not because I had golden olive skin, dark brown hair, and dark brown eyes.  When I moved to San Diego, social class was still an issue, but people around me questioned my nationality because of my dark mysterious features.  Sometimes I was even treated differently depending on where I was, who I was with, and how I was dressed.  My identity as I knew it was shattered. I quickly learned that it was it necessary for me to question my roots, as well as my cultural beliefs and values and perceptions of others who were different from me.  I admit this was challenging at first; however, my journey to discovery of myself and others has been a positive one.  This journey has made who I am today not only in terms of how I identify myself, but also how I interact with and perceive others personally and professionally.

What am I?  This was one of the first questions I asked my parents shortly after we moved to San Diego and every few years afterwards for reaffirmation.  I learned that I am predominantly German descendt, it is evident from my last name.  My paternal side of the family is also part Scottish. My maternal side of the family is part English, German and Irish.  I also have traces of Polish from my paternal side, and possibly Cherokee Indian (not enough to claim legally) from both sides.  



 Having these questions answered help me understand who I was and where I came from.  However, it did not change the fact that people around me looked at me and treated me differently.  Honestly, I am not sure which bothers me more the way I am occasionally treated differently or my feelings about how I am treated.  After all, it really should not matter…should it?